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Fuck.
I am trying to hard to get my life together.
I am in school full time, working on my AAOT so I can transfer to Marylhurst to get a Masters in Art Therapy.
I became a hairstylist because I enjoy the fact that a person can come to me, feeling maybe not so hot and they can leave feeling alot better, at least about their appearance.
I want more. I want to help people on a deeper level. I also love art. I spend most of my free time creating art of some form or another.
I have my son every other week, and twice a week I have a 3 hour class in the evenings, usually 6:00 to 8:50. I have asked my daughter, who has decided to drop out of school and be useless in every other way (I know it sounds harsh, but you'll see shortly) to watch Hunter while I am in class those two nights, every other week. Many kids her age get babysitting duties that often or more...I dont think its too much to ask, especially since I have been paying her 5 bucks an hour to do so. (The going rate per child for daycare is 2.50 an hour...shes getting double that)
She did it for a few weeks, and then decided her social life was more important and just wouldnt come home. Shes been smoking pot almost every day, and when she does come home, its to raid the refrigerator and use my washing machine and shower. The whole time shes home, its "fuck this" and "screw you" and yelling about what a terrible parent I am, that I would ask her to follow some simple rules if shes gonna be here...
#1. respect. Be respectful in my home. Do not raise your voice, throw things, or call me or anyone in the house, foul names.
#2 clean up your own messes. (she comes in like a tornado, leaving food out to rot, leaving her dishes in random places instead of sticking them in the dishwasher, leaving a trail of dirty clothes ALL over the house. Leaving makeup scattered all over the bathroom...getting hair dye on the walls, writing in permanent marker on the mirrors, stapling and gluing her artwork on my walls after being asked not to do these things.
#3 get back in school or at least a GED program.
#4 one friend over at a time during the week, (no sleepovers) and two to three may stay on the weekends.

The problem with so many kids staying over, is that I have very limited food money, and they consistently eat 2 weeks worth of my groceries in 2 days. I can't have it.
When I ask her not to let her friends eat here, she says "Whats the big fucking deal mom?" I tried to explain the big fucking deal rationally to her, and she laughs and says..."what the fuck ever".

This is constant and I can't do it anymore. I kicked her out. I told her, when you are ready to come home and follow these 4 simple rules, you are more than welcome to come back, but not until then. She has only been back once, and that was because she had a court date and didnt want to go to JDH.

I called the non emergency police line to ask if I could get in trouble for kicking her out, and they said yes maam, you sure can. They told me I was responsible for her until she turned 18. I told them what was going on, and their suggestion was get her into counseling. She refuses to go to counseling and threatens to leave the state if I force her.

I have no idea what to do with her. I know if I called her in as a runaway, they would just bring her home, and shed be gone the minute they left. I also know she would not pass a UA, and I wonder if theres a way to force a UA on someone. I feel like if she got into JDH, she might be able to get some help.

Theres one part of the shit I'm dealing with.

Part two:
I got fired from my job. A few saturdays ago, my son had gotten sick with H1N1, and I closed the shop 15 minutes early so I could get home to him...
It had been a slow day, and since the boss had let us do that on slow days before, I really didn't think it would be an issue. She came in a week later with my final check. I was her best worker mind you...always cleaning, and never sitting around on the clock, where others would sit and crochet, or knit...I was the best fucking worker she had. I was also the best stylist, which at least she did admit to, she just couldnt afford for me to be closing early.(I only did that one time, and told her it wouldnt happen again) She sent me a certified letter stating that my attendance had been slipping (I was 4 minutes late and 13 minutes late, two days in a row, due to sons illness, but normally, at least 15 minutes early every day). She also said that I had been taking extra long lunches. Twice that week, we had no clients to serve, and I didn't sign back in in an effort to help her save her payroll, which she constantly bitched about. She was constantly reminding us to take long lunches if there werent any clients, to save payroll (so she didnt have to pay us for our full time) which Im certain is illegal, but with the economy, I didnt mind taking an extra 15 for my lunch from time to time. Now she uses it against me.

So, I am now once again unemployed.
I DO have enough financial aid to support us, BUT there was some lag in processing and so I don't get my FALL Finaid, until winter term...(I should be getting them at the same time)
So, January is gonna be fine, but december is SUCKING.
My electricity gets turned off in a few days, as well as my phone, and my internet. My car people let me slide on november payment until the 11th and rent is paid.

Im just trying so fucking hard to get my life together and move forward, but there seem to be so many obstacles.

I'm so stressed out.
I know it will work out, but in the mean time, theres not much to do but panic.

Fuck.
This is the nutshell version.

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loveofthedark
loveofthedark

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